To Know, Recognize and Understand

There is most assuredly something I could be doing: my laundry room is a mess, heaped high with piles of dirty towels, sheets and little girls laundry that I keep telling myself I will make them come turn right side out so that it will actually get clean and dried. But two out of three girls are napping, there is only one pot in the sink to be washed and the house is predominately clean due to the mad scramble we made yesterday to clean for Aowyn's birthday party, and Abram is out getting the oil changed in the car. So, I am going to relish this moment and do nothing (well, besides write).

It can be so hard to take a minute for ourselves as moms. There is always someone needing us and something to be done. I look through my journals and see big holes where I went a month or three without writing anything and feel sad that my thoughts over all that time are lost. Even worse are the moments that I don't spend with God, just because.

A few weeks ago I read this verse and I have really been meditating on it. "Know, recognize and understand therefore that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God. Who keeps covenant and steadfast love and mercy with those who love Him and keep His commandments, to a thousand generations." Deuteronomy 7:9 I want to live my life not just knowing, but recognizing and understanding the faithfulness of God. I want to moment to moment recognize God at work in my life. And how much easier does that become when we love Him and keep His commandments, which is loving Him and loving others? The things I have been struggling with lately have been about my provision. I know that He is my provider, and yet I find myself trying to make a back up plan for the minute He delays or falls through. But He is so good and faithful, and gracious! I have seen increase in my work, as well as new opportunities, and I have to still myself and recognize Him at work in my life. It can be so easy to refocus on the provision and become dependent on that, rather than His faithfulness. I am so glad that His mercies are new every morning, and I have to remember that His provision and faithfulness can come in many different forms as well. He is not limited!

A few weeks ago our pastor was preaching out of Luke 1:37-38 "For with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment. The Mary said, 'Behold, I am the handmaiden of the Lord; LET IT BE DONE TO ME according to what you have said.'" How much more could we experience and receive from God is we adopted the heart of "Let it be to me"? It can be easy to make excuses and say that God hasn't told you something specific about your problem or situation, but He has! We have so many promises in the scripture, and as we pray and seek Him He reveals His heart towards us. It is good and love and life! It is provision and health and healing. It is a life of abundant joy, peace and hope for a bright future. Grasp hold of the promises of God, hide them in your heart. Know, recognize and understand that the Lord your God, He is the faithful God!

The Quest for Rest

     Rest.  That ever elusive concept.  The one where you have a little bit of time for yourself, where you relax and fee better afterward.  Everyone has their own idea of what it means to feel rested and what it takes to get there, whether that means thirty minutes in the tub, or taking a nap. 
     Ever since I started nursing school back in March I have longed for rest.  And sometimes that has meant not feeling guilty for watching a movie when I had homework or 10 other things hanging over my head.  My friend, Diann, sends out an email to all of the ministry team each week as the children's church director at The Revolution, and she used the phrase 'quest for rest' this week and it has stuck with me.  How do you quest for rest?  What does rest truly mean?  The picture I get most often is someone hiking up a mountain and then collapsing in exhaustion when they can no longer go! They certainly need a rest!
     In Mark 6:31 Jesus said to his disciples "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest."  And in Matthew 11:28 He said: "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Rest, in both those verses (in Greek) means 'to be refreshed, get rest, to take life easy'.  According to dictionary.com it means: "relief or freedom, especially from anything that wearies, troubles, or disturbs; mental or spiritual calm, tranquility."  I could definitely use a healthy dose of rest! But what stood out to me was the word 'come'.  In both verses Jesus has bid us to come, to Him and with Him.  I think that He is saying we will only truly find rest in His presence, AND that we have to make an effort to get there! 
     While this is my fourth (and last) week of summer break, I really hadn't felt rested the whole time, especially since the girls started school today!  That is kind of frustrating!  The word rest had been on my mind since the weekend, and Diann's email spurred me on.  Yesterday morning I prayed and meditated on it.  I told God that I wanted a restful last day of summer with the girls.  Let me tell you, it was one of the best days ever!  Actively pursuing God's presence makes such a difference.  My girls weren't perfect, and I still had a lot of loose ends to tie up before they headed out the door this morning, but my questing led me to the rest I needed.  I know next week will be busy as I start my classes up again, but I am going to continue to make an effort to stay in that resting place.      
   

What is IS and ISN'T

     The past eight weeks have been a roller coaster!  I just finished my first course in the nursing program, and I have to say I had many moments of doubt and frustration.  In the end I passed, and am really looking forward to having three weeks off before I have to buckle down again!
     I have a friend that sends me "happy Wednesday" texts every week, and yesterday's really hit home with me, here it is:

"It's NOT big flashy achievements, how much you make,

 who important that you know, knowing what people should do,

 never blowing it, your stuff collection, your vast knowledge,

 being the strongest, smartest, or best looking that draws people to you.

  It IS your genuine smile, seeing your eyes light with contagious joy,

 unadorned thoughtfulness, modest kindnesses, 

being steady when the chips are down, 

sad sharing, glad sharing when happy abounds,

 making pleasant memories of mundane days, ready to help,

 patient listening to what people say and validating their existence. 

 It IS your open heart, your realness exposed."

     It is so easy to get caught up in stuff, and lose sight of what is important.  I felt so awkward going into the program when everyone else knew each other.  Who cared what experience I had previously when they were already friends?  I can't tell you how much I look forward to continuing the next year with this group of people!  I was welcomed easily, and count them as one of the best groups of people I have known.

     I remember once hearing someone say that we are human beings, not human doings!  Of course, we can't just sit around and "be", but what is important is our character and HOW we do things.  I want to be known as someone genuine, trustworthy and kind.  

     This sums it up for me:  "No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love."  1 Corinthians 13:3

      Let me never become bankrupt of love!

 

The Element of Intimacy

     They say that love and hate are two sides of the same coin, but I think that the sides are self-pity and intimacy.  You can't be in self-pity if you are intimate with God, and vice versa.  Over and over I am shocked how easily my self-confidence can be shaken and how quickly I can feel sorry for myself!  It doesn't take long to fall into that pit.  I shudder to think what I would be like without a relationship with God, and a knowledge of His love for me!      Hebrews 12:2 says: "Looking away from all that will distract to Jesus, Who is the Leader and Source of our faith and is also its finisher, bring it to maturity and perfection."  Taking my eyes off myself, and even those around me!, and focusing on Jesus is the first step.  It is so easy to become disappointed with others, when they are not my source of provision.  Heck, I'm not an adequate provider for myself!
     The second thing is to seek intimacy with God.  He created us for fellowship with Him.  I came upon this song today, and it tied it all together for me- such a great revelation and something I need to remind myself of daily!

         Thankfulness and praise seem to be the biggest keys to intimacy, I've found.  When I am thanking God I am focusing on Him.  Those are the moments that He tends to reveal things to me.  Of course a steady intake of the Word and meditation on it is important too.  Intimacy is defined as: "1) the state of being intimate; 2) a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person (or group); 3) a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, time period, etc."
     Another thing that has really helped me was a list of decrees that my mom emailed me.  Not sure where it originated from, but it is powerful!  Speaking God's word out is life changing.  Here is one more thing that I find amazing, and everyone should watch/listen to at least twice!

     Anyway, I hope this helps you.  It is a lesson I have been learning for the last few weeks! 

Bits and Pieces of the Whole

     Last week I was really feeling like I needed to hit the refresh button on my life.  I was feeling kind of sluggish and generally uninspired.  It seemed like there was just a lot of busy going on with no results or enjoyment.  I was having a hard time getting into the Word or anything else.  I could go on and on about the things in my life that are dissatisfying, but that wouldn't be inspiring now, would it?  What you want to know is how I got beyond that, and I have to say that it was a few different things.
     To start with, I met with three different friends, and wow did I feel like the social butterfly!  One was a friend that I really connect with in the writing level, and she is a great one to bounce ideas off of.  She is usually crazy busy, and it was great to have the afternoon to drink coffee and talk out all of our plot and character ideas.  Then I met with my cousin (actually my second cousin- she's smack in between me and my mom's age!) and we let our girls play, and caught up on church stuff.  She is an awesome woman of God, and gave me some insight on things I had been questioning.  It didn't solve things, but helped me gain some perspective.  And then I met with a girl from work, who actually asked me to get together.  Can I tell you how great it feels to have someone you don't really know seek you out to get to know you because they recognize you have something in common?  I am not one to push getting to know people, and I think I need to do that more.  I have so many facebook friends, people from work and church, that I have never really sat down and had a conversation with!  I am going to make it a goal to seek these people out and get to know them better.  So, I had a smoothie with my co-worker and we talked about how we had both ended up in nursing and about our families.  I really look forward to getting to know her better!
   The other thing was when Abram stepped up and demanded a change.  I won't go into details, but sometimes you need get stuck in a pattern and things just need to change.  It was something that we've talked about but never really resolved.  I think the thing is that you have to come to a point that you won't give up until you get the results you want.  Funny how you can start to deal with one thing, and then several other things pop up as well!  We had several long conversations over the weekend, and started reading a book together that has kept us talking. 
     I have a hard time talking about things in the moment- I tend to wait until I can't take it anymore and I erupt!  I also feel really lonely, and often wonder what I am doing wrong or if it is the people around me.  The thing is, God is faithful.  Always.  A little bit goes a long way when it is done in faith.  When we move in faith, He fulfills it. 
     The amazing things: so, that intimacy I had been craving is growing.  A few days ago, Abram called and told me that he was going to bring a friend home with him because he felt like we were supposed to pray for him.  After talking about the situation we prayed over our friend's teenage son.  Even though we don't have teenagers yet, God blessed that obedience and faithfulness and something was taken care of.  The little we gave was turned into so much more because God was in it.  And a special bonus was being able to flow with Abram spiritually, and what was revealed to each of us was a part of a whole!  It was one of the sweetest moments. 
    I have found lots of things on Pinterest that have inspired me and given me ideas.  One of those was a 2 day cleanse, which I did this week.  It was kind of tough, in the sense that I was still kind of hungry at the end of the day, but it was refreshing to be able to know exactly what I needed to do and have a short, attainable goal.  In the end it was awesome to know that I did it, that I had the control and willpower to see it through.
     What I have learned is that when you come to point that things aren't working, change something!  Don't be afraid to ask questions.  Seek new perspectives, and do the little things.  So many times I feel like what I have could never be enough.  I think that is why this song really speaks to me right now: "Little Is Much" by Downhere

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0F414laR_I 

"What can be done with what you still have?"  You are not under-qualified!  When you are feeling sluggish do something to get moving!  Hit the refresh button and do something different.  Face that thing you have been ignoring.  That thing that you have been feeling like you were supposed to do, but have been putting off: do it!  Detox yourself!  Dust yourself off.  Even if it feels insignificantly small, give it to God and do it in faith.  Faith hopes!  It can be bigger than you imagined or dreamed.  Plant those seeds. 

Other Things I Love and am Thankful For!

Found this before Christmas, saved it (didn't have the cardstock to print it on at the time) and saw it again today in my pic folder!  It is from a bloghttp://ariansstudio.blogspot.com/2010/04/whatever-is-free-download.html She has a ton of cute things and some free printables!

I could use some of this today!  Yum! Guinness Milk Chocolate Ice Cream... I don't care that it's January.
http://peaceloveandfrenchfries.com/2011/08/22/guinness-milk-chocolate-ice-cream/

And I need some green!  I really want to try to make a terrarium (or 3).

This is the Day

     So, here it is, my first blog of 2012.  Wish I had something profound to say, but I really don't.  Woke up kind of bummed and moody.  Have a headache because my neck is out, and it is a gloomy, overcast day- but I can't complain too much because it's supposed to be in the upper 40's today (which is not our norm here in MO this time of year).  I have had trouble getting into journaling lately, and other than reading the snippet in my devotional I haven't really gotten into the Word either.  It seems like the holidays come through like a tornado, and afterwards it is hard to settle back into a normal routine!
    I have been spending a lot of time on Pinterest the past week or so, getting lots of ideas of fun crafts and things to do.  I really want to refresh things in my life, right now.  The girls got a new TV for their playroom for Christmas, and now I have a TV cabinet in my living room that needs to go.  With the girls no longer using the living room space I want to re-do it- make it more conducive to sitting and visiting, or maybe a craft area.  Of course that takes effort, time and a little bit of cash. 
   Thinking about things this morning, I know deep down that I have no reason to be in a funk: so many great things have happened lately.  I think that when we purposefully sit down and thank Him for things, we find He is much nearer than we may have thought.  It is like tuning in to a station, or opening putting on your glasses.  So, in the spirit of thankfulness, I am going to share some of the great things that have been happening in the Wolf household.

• Abram wrote his first worship song and we played it at church a few weeks ago.  You know how a song gets stuck in your head, and it just won't go away?  Yeah, I had it stuck in my head for about two weeks!  So awesome to see him developing that skill and walking in his calling. 
• Aurelia is potty trained!  We started last fall (November-ish) and she is now taking herself in the bathroom without prompting, and last week started going number two on the potty, as well.  She is still wearing diapers at night, but that's OK.  She isn't even 2 1/2 yet!
• I got into the nursing program at Columbia College and will graduate as an RN next May!  I am going to see if I can test out of the first class, and if I do I won't start classes until June.  
• Aowyn is doing an awesome job at reading.  She has already met most of the goals for the last quarter of the school year.  She just turned six in December, and I am amazed at how grown up she is!  She just learned to tie her shoes and wants to wear her lace up boots everyday so she can tie them! AND she has her first loose tooth.
• Asher is doing kindergarten level things already!  I absolutely love Learning Lane preschool, and her teacher.   
• We got Aowyn the book "How to Train Your Dragon" for her birthday, and we have been reading the series aloud.  We just finished the second book this week.  Reading with the girls is one of the best parts of my day.
• I got a subscription to "Taste of Home" last fall and have been trying new recipes this year.  Doing a better job at planning meals and grocery shopping!  That is one area I am doing better at refreshing!
• Got my W2 this week, so as soon as Abram gets his we can do our taxes!
• Abram is alive!  If you didn't know, he ran off a bridge and totalled his car the very end of December (he was on his way to work, it was dark and he hit black ice).  He came out of it with a small scratch in his cheek and two bruises.  SO very thankful!
• I had really been wanting some new casual shoes and found a super cute pair of Kangaroo red sneakers that were like new for $10!  Love Plato's Closet.

     I don't know if you will be able to tell, but I linked this to my Google+ profile.  Not sure how much it will change things, but I decided I would start my refreshing with updating and changing my profile and layout.  I have got to say that being thankful and working on something new has really helped my attitude and out look today! 
     Whatever you are supposed to be doing- do it!  Now is the time.  :)  "This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24